Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
