Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need moral support for this bender
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
