hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
