That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
