im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
