im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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