whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
