About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
stop calling my apartment porn island.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
