I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm passing your future prison.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize