ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
