why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize