Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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