YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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