We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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