He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
