There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
