One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize