How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
