I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
