So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
