I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
