just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize