I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
