I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize