and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
