I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
