I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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