Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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