phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How does it feel to date your dad?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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