just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
