I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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