with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
