Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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