have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
