he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
