I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i love accidental penises.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
