I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
