sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
