It's Friday. Sex?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
