Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Randomize
