Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
