Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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