I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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