so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize