Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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