Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
