It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize