sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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