it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
