I met the friendliest cop last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
