Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
