Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
