forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
