Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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