You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
