I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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