also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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