my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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