Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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