she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
