You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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