I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
