I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
