dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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