how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
