Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
