but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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