You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
