Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
