A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
