So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
