using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
