I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
