i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
