Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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