I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
