We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
