i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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