Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize