why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
