I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
