I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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