don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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