hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
