I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This house was built for laser tag.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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