dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
