i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
