you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
